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Some virtues of my life. Places that I traveled though, feelings that I lived through, people that I met and colors that I saw.

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Ayahuasca. The first descent.

18th of February 2009

Location: in my body
Music: voice
Mood: Be!

I’m back. I’m different now. I brought something with me…


Instead of epigraph:

Me: Is this my Way?
Ayahuasca: Yes.
Me: Where will it lead me?
Ayahuasca: Wherever You want.
Me:. So I can go wherever I want?
Ayahuasca: Yes.
Me: Can I go back?
Ayahuasca: No.

Ayahuasca, the wine of dead, liana of death, this drink is called differently in different places but its essence is unchanged. It is made of liana growing in the jungles of Amazonia. It is boiled for about 12 hours while shaman sings ephemeral songs and puts spells. This liana is the connection between worlds. The soul uses this liana to descend to the other world. It has the main priority that the soul does not fall from the liana…

Shaman or curandero. It’s very important to find the right shaman. You can be easily cheated by a quack who will just take your money. However, it’s even worse if the curandero is not powerful enough to help you in case something goes wrong…

How can you evaluate a shaman? Well, there’s no way to do that until you try his services… I decided to trust my instincts. If I don’t like shaman for some reason I won’t drink with him…

I had a neutral position to Don Lucco when Carlito introduced me to him. Carlito is the American guy who left his previous life (house, girlfriend, car, prestigious job) and moved to the jungles after he had the magic drink. Don Lucco was a regular Indian :) He was in shorts and gumboots… I don’t know… Probably I was anticipating a weirdo with a tambourine and feathers on his head :))) The path to his place was pretty tough since we had to go on a boat first and then walk 3 kilometers through the mud of the jungles. The toughness of the path is known to the people who walked the rainforest in heat with a huge backpack during the rain season… I felt like a legionnaire on the 15th kilometer and completely forgot the reason of my visit… Another “entertainment” were the mosquitoes that haven't drunk white blood for a long time and therefore ate me with a particular persistence… Periodically the equatorial forest filled with Russian rude words when they became shameless in their business…

Don Lucco lives in several huts with his family in the middle of jungles. Everybody was sitting at a big table when I arrived. There also was a big sooty crocodile head with open jaws above the table… I acted as if it was kinda normal… Huh, that’s not a big deal… They have crocodile head above their kitchen table and I have some tiny magnets in my kitchen :) Anyways, that head made me gain respect to Don Lucco that he was a true shaman!
I was introduced to his wife, sons and two parrots. They led me to the neighboring hut.

The ceremony was expected to start at 8 and the shaman insisted I had a rest for several hours before it. I got into the hammock but couldn’t fall asleep. All my thoughts were about Ayahuasca. Then they called me and Don Lucco told me to wash my body with some boiled herbs… I felt like I was washing myself for some Hannibal soup :) I came back to the table where the shaman’s sons cheerfully played cards under the light of paraffin lamp… They asked me whether I had already tried Ayahuasco or San Pedro… I said no and that made me feel ashamed in front of them :) The mosquitoes stopped biting me. Maybe, the reason for that was the shaman’s potion or just a protection crème :)

Don Lucco came sharp at 8 p.m. Then I, the shaman, his wife and one more Indian squaw went to the place of the ceremony. That was a big tent without any walls. Shaman gave me instructions before the ceremony and that time I felt bad for my weak Spanish… He said tons of things but I only got the fact I would have visions and vomit like I don't know what :). Well, I knew that before… I just acted as if I understood every word Don Lucco said and decided that I didn’t getthe important things because Ayahuasca didn’t want me to know them…

They gave me a dirty mattress. Looking at and smelling it I realized that it had been used several times by the others happy hunters. They also put a bucket next to it and gave me a toilet paper instead of napkins… So I lay… My heart is beating like a beast… I’m trying to tune to the necessary wave… Nothing works… Don Lucco was wearing a fine costume with a bandage on his head. He smokes something and then says: “Andres, let’s drink Ayahuasca”. Fuck… Ayahuasca is a dark liquid for some reason put in one liter bottle of Coca-Cola… I guess, that’ll strengthen the magic :) Curandero pours it in some clay bowl for me… I stopped breathing since the experienced guys told me the drink had the most awful taste and smell they have ever tried… Well, my curiosity took its win and I sniffed the drink… Well, that’s not too bad… I looked at the bowl, talked to Ayahuasca and made a shot. That was disgusting but tolerant… The liquid was pretty thick substance… I came back to my place and laid… and waited for answers and enlightenment…

Don Lucco made a prayer in Spanish first and then started to sing shaman’s icaros in Quechua… I sat for 20 minutes… Everything was O.K., I didn’t have any new feelings… I didn’t want to throw up… I thought I had too small dose… Or the shaman gave me a product of low quality…

At that very moment I noticed I started to lose sharpness on the world around me… The tent was shaking… and the strongest call ever I had… If I say I threw up I’ll tell you nothing… I was vomitting like I’ve never done it before in my entire life… There was a thought in my head like a light bulb:  “NEVER! NEVER DARE TO DO THAT AGAIN!”… When foam came out of my nose and I started to gasp I thought that was my end… At some moment the shaman ended his song and I stopped to puke at once. I felt much better… I even couldn’t believe my happiness first so I was still giving a hug to the bucket… A bit later I calmed down and crawled back to my mattress… And here it began…

The world was shaking… I saw all color lights in my eyes… I could hear the noise of the lake that was far from me… The lights merged into chimeric views… By the way, my mind was on… I had a clear thinking… I was curious whether I could go back at my own will… I tensed… Opened my eyes and saw the world again… I could hear the shaman puking into the darkness… He also took the drink… I wanted to turn my head and look at him… My brain gave a command to my neck… But the neck said: “fuck it… do you really need it?”… Well my mind, or me, agreed I didn’t need it…

Then I fell even deeper… I lost control over my body and simply didn’t feel it… My mind didn’t like that fact, so I felt anxious… I tried to struggle even though Carlos warned me not to do that… I struggled for my life and for my intellect… For one moment I felt like I won so I shouted out: “I won! You couldn’t take me! I’m strong! I’m a human being”. Then I heard her laugh deep inside me… So I surrendered to the flows that took me to other worlds…

Here are some extracts of the talks to Ayahuasca that I can write here:


Me: What is my Unfulfilled?

Ayahuasca: That’s everything on your Path.

Me: Tell my about the Path.

Ayahuasca: Some people can choose their ways and some just follow the ordained paths. They can only choose the side of the Path. Your Path will be with you everywhere you go.

Me: How long will it last?

Ayahuasca: That depends on the way you make your Path.

I came back several times…

I remember beeing on my knees, hitting the ground and trying to be strong as much as I could while Don Lucco was singing icaros and waving some shaman broom above my head… I completely passed out and fell when he started to blow away spirits from me… The cold of wood floor awakened me…

I asked Ayahuasca to help me overcome some of my fears… I visually drew white line and asked her to help me overstep it to the place with no fears… Don Lucco led me to my hut when the ceremony ended. I almost fell when I entered the hut since it was diagonally crossed with a white line of the moon light till the very hammock… I wiped my eyes but the line was still there… I made several steps and crossed it… Then I turned back and crossed it again… again… and again… again…

The wine influenced my behaviour during the whole night… Don Lucco gave me another potion in the morning and asked me about my visions… He was happy of the things he heard and said Ayahuasca had accepted me and loved me… I spent the whole day in the bed since I couldn’t move… I felt like I was recovering after a bad disease… I was thinking about my experiences and continued to talk to the spirits since the wine was still having its influence on me… I felt the need to come back to the chimeric worlds at one moment… I made a decision to go down there again… That’ll be a much deeper descend

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sunshine, Ternopil
I was reading about Ayahuasca recently, because I guess, I was worried about you. I got interested and realized I would never do that myself!!! This is very scary even though very interesting... You need to tell more about your feelings... Good that you did that! I am really proud of you!