Life. People. Journey.
Some virtues of my life. Places that I traveled though, feelings that I lived through, people that I met and colors that I saw.

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Ayahuasca. The deep descend.


19th of February 2009

Location: in my body
Music: voices
Mood: again

The toughest adventure in my whole life. The person who went to the journey is not back. There’s a New one.

Nothing stays the same, Nothing stays forever…
You’ll survive, you’ll overcome it, but you’ll be on a completely unfamiliar land. You’ll want to go back home. However, there’s no way back, so we will never be able to go back home. The things in the past are the ones lost forever. This can’t be done even by death..»
C. Castaneda.

After I made decision for the second descend, I asked shaman about it. Don Lucco said: “Ayahuasca accepted you so you can meet it again”. I said I wanted to make a much deeper descend and he agreed. We decided to make it next the day. Don Lucco woke me up at 6 a.m. He brought me 2 big pitchers. He said to drink them in one hour. The first pitcher was filled with some yellow liquid that wasn’t actually tasty. The second pitcher was smaller and it was filled with regular boiled water with some additions… I bravely poured the liquids into my body making small sips… I have to confess I poured out about a liter of the transparent liquid because I simply couldn’t drink anymore :)… Totally, I took 3-4 liters of the swill… My breakfast consisted of fruits and some unknown vegetables… I didn’t take any food since I knew I’d throw up in the evening anyways… My day was pretty quiet, so I just chilled and relaxed in the hammock since I didn’t have any energy to walk at the rainforest.


Preparation of Ayahuasca. Shaman's elder son.


I washed my body with the potion in the evening again. We went to the tent again but that time there were three of us: me, Don Lucco and his wife. I guess she was there just in case of emergency since she didn’t drink.
I knew the process so I acted businesslike :) I found a mattress that was cleaner than the previous one and put it on the first mattress. I placed the bucket closer to me and rolled the toilet paper on my hand. I thought I was prepared for the meeting.

My place


The shaman started to smoke out everything, whisper something and blow the smoke to the coke bottle of Ayahuasca. Then he called me to take the drink. That time I drank the drink from a glass cup and there were 2 or even 3 times more of the wine compared to the first time. I couldn’t make a shot so I had to make sips. By the end of the dose I wanted to puke but I stood up, fought and finished it. Senora offered me to take some water but I refused to do that because I believed that was a sacrilege. Let gringos take water! I’m a castellan!


Shaman’s broom and the glass I used to drink the wine of dead from.


I came back to my place and shaman started his songs… I waited for the wine effect...
I considered the first experience to be very positive (well besides the throwing up part) so I expected to have something similar this time. I only thought the second time it would last longer…
So I just waited while the shaman was blowing smoke to my head… Nothing happened… I expected to throw up by that time… I waited more… Suddenly I made something I had never expected to do… I started to pray! I guess the last time I said Lord’s prayer was in my childhood. This time I said a complete prayer because of a huge excitement…


The shaman puked in a full capacity while I was just waiting… A bit later I felt a huge weight in the area of my stomach… I didn’t like that… The weight became stronger… Then suddenly something made a move in my stomach… I felt like something alive was there… I was really freaked out and tried to puke that shit away but I couldn’t… Then I felt the first signs of the wine effect… I saw a condor flying above a night sea and its waves shined with moon light… Some pictures appeared. During the first experience they were yellow, blue and green (positive colors). However, this time they were black, brown, and red…



I felt anxiety… I tried to calm myself down believing I would see the familiar worlds as soon as I threw all that shit up away… I blamed myself several times for my decision on the second experience because of the stomach feelings… “Something” in my stomach started to move actively… The anxiety became stronger… I saw different daemons with scary teeth and tentacles… I smiled at them like I did during the first descend hoping to get their smile in response… But this time it didn’t work… There was no fear because I believed I could puke all that stuff away and all the vision would change… A bit later I finally threw up… I puked less than I did it first time… I calmed down a bit when I crawled to my mattress… Then I heard the noise of a chainsaw and wondered why people decided to chop wood in a deep night…


The vision became scarier… then I heard a scratch noise in the middle of my head… That was an evil sound so I tried to kick it away… However the noise became louder and clearer… I freaked out and my body was shaken in convulsions… I felt like something wanted to get out of my head… That “something” wasn’t a teddy bear… I saw pics of different toothy reptiles… I came back couple times when the shaman’s song took me from the visions… However, there were more and more sounds in my head… Then I shouted out: “I see! You guys made it intentionally! You made my first descend pleasant so that I went deeper and never came back!!!” I didn’t get any reply… I felt I had lost control over my body… My hands and legs started to bend… I felt strength in my muscles… I just wanted to get on all fours and run… I understood I had started to turn into a jaguar. That thought freaked me out again so I struggled for staying a human being… Then suddenly the daemons disappeared and I found myself in a huge chimeric hall… I saw big bizarre doors and several creatures looking like Incas’ gods I had seen on their pictures… For some reason I realized they weren’t regular creatures… So I tried to talk to them… Who are you? Where are you from? Are you from space? No reply… Several doors opened and the scariest experience of my whole life started from there…

I was falling in a canyon… Its sides were of fire and I saw souls in it… I believe that were the people’s souls… They were expressing horror… I was in panic… My whole body was shaking in convulsions… I saw the line of blue sky above me while I was falling… I shouted: “No! No! Let me out! I don’t wanna go there!” I don’t know whether I actually screamed or it was only in my thoughts… I still I believed I could get rid of the visions if I open my eyes and moved… So I opened my eyes but nothing changed… The fall was still on… At one moment I saw a spirit sitting on a throne-like stuff… I bowed down to him and begged: “Please, bring me back, I don’t want to go there, bring me back!”

I still saw a blue skyline with a tiny figure of a condor in it… I was still falling… For some reason, I was really scared of something… When the nightmare was at its peak and I could stand it no more, I shouted: “Don Lucco! Don Lucco!!! Help me! Get me out of here”. I heard his words simultaneously: “Andresito, pull yourself together and calm down. Everything is okay” (I asked him mentally and so he replied to me).

His words made really happy… I felt true relief… the colors changed to yellow… I was in a pleasant state I didn’t want to leave… Then I continued my fall into darkness… However, I found it to be fine and I even controlled my fall…

Finally I got to the ground! Everything around me was blue and turquoise… like sky… I felt really really good… I also saw some smiling creatures that cheerfully welcomed me… I began to talk to them… They told a lot of interesting stuff about their world… They also explained about the world I had just passed… During my first descend Ayahuasca’s replies were monosyllabic “yes” and “no. However, this time I had full dialogues…

They said I was in the first zone. There are 5 of them. The fourth is the top one. That’s real life. The third one is the place I was during my first descend. Most people deal with creatures from the 3rd zone. There are both nice and bad creatures there. The second zone is the biggest one. That’s the zone of fears and chaos. We usually call it “Hell”. Most people who drink the wine get only to the 2nd zone. That’s why they don’t want to repeat their experience. The first zone was the most pleasant and comfortable.
It can be possible that was the place called “heaven” in the Holy Bible. I asked about the thing below us. They said it had been the zero zone… I asked them if there was anything there but they didn’t reply. I asked if I wasn't ready to know that and they affirmatively replied to me.


I spent a lot of time there… I asked about everything I was interested in… They showed me tons of Paths and I easily recognized mine among them… I also saw my friends' Paths… I entertained myself by examining them…

Then I wanted to see my closest friends I had not seen for a while because of my journey… I flew and found myself in winter… I flew above grey land with no snow and recognized the buildings… First I flew to the window of my closest friend’s place… I leaned on the icy glass and felt the cold… I looked through the window and saw her lying on her side and smiling… I smiled to her too… I stared at the dark room a bit more and flew further…I visited several more windows in different countries. Sometimes people were not alone… I wished good night to everybody… After I finished my travel I returned to the creatures and continued our talk…




Later I heard the voice of Don Lucco. He asked me in Spanish: “Andresito, como estas?” I replied him: “Ahora mucho major, todo bien. Gracias, muchas gracias Don Lucco”… I felt deep gratitude for that person at that moment… A bit later the pictures started fading… I asked them to stay and talk more! They said they would be there the next day. Then I wanted to look at the shaman. I opened my eyes and looked at the place he was sitting at. He wasn’t there. Instead of him I saw and old Indian with feather crown on his head! I looked at him again but the vision was still there. The Indian with his feather crown was as real as the mattress I was lying on… He was sitting and staring at me… That was whether father or mentor's look… I closed my eyes and returned to my weird Friends from Zone 1…


Then I heard shaman’s song that brought me back… I heard Don Lucco’s words: “Gracias Padre por esta noche” (Thanks Lord for this night)… He sang something, waved his broom and smoked above my head… After he finished I suddenly bent my knees… I couldn’t stand… I sat… I kept my hands and started to pray… in Spanish…

Padre mio, que estás en el cielo
Santificado sea Tu nombre...
.........
Y a Tu nombre
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

Amen y Amen

I can’t remember those words now… However, I know that was the time I talked to God like I had never done before! I thanked God! I thanked God for bringing me back, showing all the things and giving me strength to overcome everything. I thanked God for LIFE!


Once they told me: “talk to your beloved in French, your enemy in German, God in Spanish!” I said a Spanish prayer I had never known… I’m sure it was heard that night…
Afterword.
Wine effect lasted for 2 days. I told everything I could to Carlito (unfortunately my Spanish was too weak to tell everything I saw). He said I was gifted because some of the tricks I made were available only to experienced shamans. For example, my flight to friends. Experienced shamans frequently make astral flights travels to the places they can’t reach in their real life (for instance, their relatives in mountains). Such achievements are almost impossible for Europeans.

Shamans call passengers the people whom they take with them to “look through a keyhole” on the other world.
I asked Ayahuasca whether I have to descend again. It told me I had to show I understood the lesson given. I also got Something… I mean I learned something… I rather remembered something…

Oh, to those who know me. If  you had some weird thoughts about me last week, or if you saw me in your dreams, please write me an email! That’s important!
Disclaimer:
1) My experience was not like a drugs influence!
2) I don’t call anybody to search for a shaman and pass through the liana of death because of my experience! My experience was an exception. I repeat: I read several posts of the people taken Ayahyasca and in the most cases that was a very negative experience!

3) However, if one day you feel you are ready to see the things a soul sees before the death and feel unafraid to change, please write me first!

P.S. When I was back to Iquitos I pulled some money out of my pocket at the hotel reception… I stared at it with perplexity for quite long time… I was like a guy who saw something for the first time and didn’t know its use…


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mallika, krasnodar
Grazias